"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
