I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
