I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
