Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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