he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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