Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
