I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
