Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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