So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
