The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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