I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
