I murdered the dance floor call the cops
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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