I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
