I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
