sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
