4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
