Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
