tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
