Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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