i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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