There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
