What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize