I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Found the puke drawer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
