She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
