i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Vodka?
Forever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My penis needs a shock collar
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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