Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
