is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
MIDGETS
????
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
