i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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