Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
