Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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