coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
