Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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