He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
