i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
