youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you never un-have a 4some
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
