Welp...herpes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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