Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
