I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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