PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
