Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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