oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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