Your dad touched me again.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
