why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
