Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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