I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
