My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
