either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
