clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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