I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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