We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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