How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize