so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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