All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
God I need to hump something, right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
