my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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