He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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