It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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