Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
