I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
