I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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