I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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