I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
