my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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