You just made me feel so damn special
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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