Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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