OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
