I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
