My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
