well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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