When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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