i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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