I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
