I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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