she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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